Starting A Life

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“Staring across the rice fields toward that unknown mountain, I’d felt alone and quite terrified. My plan to come here, which had once sounded like a great adventure, now seemed foolish, like a game of pretend that I had taken too far. I had nothing except a backpack and a wavering determination to build a life for myself in this place.”Dana Sachs, The House on Dream Street
The first time I moved to Hanoi it was the fall of 2002, a little over a year after I finished college. I clearly recall the days before my departure when I read and re-read the previous passage by Dana Sachs from her memoir about living in Vietnam. It touched me, resonated with my current sentiments to the point that I found complete and utter comfort in her words. I had nothing as well, nothing tangible, nothing concrete except for an internship. I left the States with very little knowledge about what I was walking. All I knew was that I was drawn to Vietnam, that something inside me told me I needed to be there.
In her book, Dana Sachs likened her experience with Vietnam as a love affair of sorts. I was drawn to that idea, that concept as well because by nature, my orientation toward the world is that of love. I think that while it can be disastrous, it is also a productive orientation, a productive desire – for things to grow and develop and flourish with the presence of love.
It is a passionate orientation that can sometimes feel overwhelming, like a roller coaster with no end in sight, and no map of the ups and downs, twists and turns. I began my experience in Vietnam over four years ago and after I left Vietnam, my two-year experience with this beautiful country continued to define me and help me grow. It was always present lingering beneath the surface subtlety guiding me, directing me and ultimately bringing me back to Vietnam.
Nearly two months ago I returned to Hanoi to live in this place that has inevitably defined me and scarred me at once. I certainly wasn’t ready for this move, yet for some reason the city, the country lured me again.
Returning to live in Vietnam, to your parents’ country, to live in a city they have never visited themselves is quite loaded. But it is not the fact that I am Vietnamese or American that defines my experience here. In fact, although I am on the other side of the world, my life experiences are similar to my peers in the States. I negotiate similar demands, I ask similar questions. I am building a life, but I have chosen to build it in Hanoi.
In addition to providing a glimpse of my world here, of this beautiful and magical and mystical city, I hope that my stories, my perspectives will resonate with your own.





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